


Healing Light

by Boldly_Gone



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath, Established Relationship, Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Meld, Protective Spock, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2069049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boldly_Gone/pseuds/Boldly_Gone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is attacked by a telepath whilst out on shore leave with Spock. The consequences are much more complicated than Spock first realises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The downtown suburbs of San Francisco were bustling with the typical Friday night atmosphere that was to be expected. The shouts of drunken men and loud music was all that could be heard, much to Spock's discomfort. He absently straightened his black jacket as the pair ventured further down the stree. He frowned as his eardrums pounded in beat to the blasts of music coming from the clubs. Spock and his Captain had taken a misinformed detour on their way back to their temporary accommodation at Starfleet HQ and ended up in the midst of a street party in full swing in one of the suburbs many back alleys.

"Captain, I suggest we find an exit from this street as quickly as possible," Spock said, as he lent in closer to Jim so the human would be able to hear him over the noise.

"Aw, c'mon, Spock!" the Captain replied, hitting his companion on the arm. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

 _One would hardly call this an adventure, Captain. An exploration of a species with wild behaviour patterns, pehaps_ , Spock thought. Humans fascinated him, but observations of these behaviours was too intimindating for the quiet Vulcan.

This really was not what Spock had had in mind when he and Jim had planned their activities for the commencing shore leave. The Vulcan had no interests in trying new cuisine in a newly-opened restaurant just a couple of blocks away from where they were staying but Jim had insisted, using the old " _but it'll be fun_ " reasoning. But once he was sat at the table, Spock found that the restaurant held a pleasant atmosphere and he had very much enjoyed being in Jim's company without having the demands of their ranks having priority over their blossoming relationship. The pair stuck very close together as they made their way down the crowded street. People bustled past them at an alarming rate, pushing to get where they needed to be in their drunken states.

"Hey! There's that bar Scotty told us about," Jim said, pointing to a neon-lit sign entitled 'The Lounge'. Not an inviting name but Spock had to admit, this bar did not look as cheap or raunchy as some of the others had done, so he followed Jim's confident stride towards the entrance. They entered, with the smell of alcohol and perfume hitting them like a brick wall. The room did not have sufficient enough lighting by Spock's standards as the Vulcan found himself squinting to survey the room. A large dancefloor was in the centre, with a mix of couches and tables surrounding it. The dancefloor was completely overcrowded, with the occupyers contorting their bodies in all sorts of ways to please the drunken spectators surrounding them, cheering and drooling. Spock felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Jim," the Vulcan said, leaning closer to his Captain. "I do not believe this establishment is adequately safe."

"Relax, Spock. Scotty said the cocktails were mind-blowing so I just want to try one." Kirk widened his eyes, like a puppy begging to be let of the leash. "Just one little cocktail." Spock nodded.

"Very well. _One_ and then we retire back to our accommodation."

The duo made their way towards the bar and Jim ordered what he wanted. Whilst the bartender made Jim's drink, Spock stood with his back to the bar and looked around the room. The music wasn't as loud as other bars but it was still as heavy. His gaze halted on a couple on the dance floor. They looked intoxicated to say the least, one of them looking like he was about to throw the entire contents of his stomach up at any second. Spock internally shivered. The sooner Jim was done with his drink, the better. Spock turned back around to find Jim gulping heavily at a blue liquid in a clear glass, with some sort of fruit floating across the top. The liquid bubbled slightly as it passed Jim's lips, trickles missing and running down his chin. Elegance was never Jim's forte. He had already drank half of it in a single gulp.

"Well?" Spock inquired.

Jim scrunched his nose up and coughed. “It's good.”

“If you do not like it, do not finish it.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jim exclaimed, moving the glass back up to his lips, “if I don't finish it, Scotty will have won!”

Spock shook his head slightly, watching Jim's eyes water as he consumed the rest of the cocktail. He stopped once every last drop had gone and set the glass down on the bar.

“Satisfied?” Spock remarked, getting a sly look from Kirk as a reply. Spock began to follow Kirk's lead out of the bar, intentionally staying no more than a step behind him. Someone aggressively knocked shoulders against Jim as they made their way to the exit.

"Watch it, jackass," Jim remarked, turned to look back at whoever had smashed into him. The man turned, locking gazes with Kirk. He strode back over and towered at least 4 inches above Jim, Spock calculated. He was humanoid too, built more athletically than Kirk and looked as though he could start a fight in an empty room.

"What did you say?" The humanoid asked, glaring down at Kirk.

"Jackass," the Captain repeated in his usual cocky tone, "you nearly knocked me clean over. But I guess, with a face like that, you'll want to keep your head down and avoid all eye contact." He gave the man a pat on the back in a passive-aggressive manner and gestured for Spock to follow him out. But the man had formed his own plan. He grabbed Jim by the collar of his leather jacket and punched him across the cheek, sending Jim to his knees. Spock was quick to help him up.

"Jim, we must leave now."

But Jim had already seen red. He placed a hand on Spock's chest and pushed the Vulcan back into the crowd, which had dispersed, leaving the two of them stood alone in the middle of the circle of spectators. Jim threw the next punch but the man had both the height and muscle advantage, making it harder for Jim's slightly-intoxicated hits to land. The man had clearly had enough after a couple of seconds and upward punched Jim backwards, knocking him on his backside. He was back on his feet quickly but swayed as his eyes blurred for a moment.

The stranger advanced quickly and pressed two fingers to Jim's temple in one swift movement. Jim yelled, in shock or in pain, Spock couldn't tell. Either way, the Vulcan had had enough of watching. He pounced and grabbed the forearm of the man, attempting to pull his hand away from Kirk's face. Jim's eyes were wide and unseeing as the man pressed harder into his temple. A small blast of psionic energy was released from the man's hand, knocking Kirk back a couple of feet, landing awkwardly and lying completely still on the floor. Spock was quick to his side, rolling Jim over onto his back. He pressed a finger to Jim's neck and immediately checking for a pulse, letting out a small sigh of relief as the heartbeat hit his fingertips. "Jim," Spock said, scanning the Captain's body for other signs of life. His eyes were closed and expression relaxed, various cuts and bruises already showing on his young face.

Spock looked up to find that the attacker was nowhere to be seen but Spock remembered his face. He took his communicator from his pocket and called for emergency assistance, ensuring that Doctor McCoy would be the chief on call waiting to asses Jim's condition when they arrived at the hospital. He ordered the crowd to step back as he lifted Kirk into his arms with ease, making his way out of the door and onto the bright street. Kirk's head rested against Spock's warm chest as the Vulcan retraced their steps back to the main street where the ambulance should be waiting for them. Kirk shivered slightly in Spock's grip.

"You are safe, Jim. You are safe now."


	2. Chapter 2

Spock stood outside of Jim's assigned room in the hospital of the Starfleet HQ campus, his hands held gracefully behind his back. His heart pulsed rapidly with concern for Jim and a deep anger at the man who had done this to him. Spock held a great desire to cause the attacker as much pain as possible, despite his calm, Vulcan mind telling him otherwise. The image of Jim lying unconcious on the gurney in the back of the ambulance burned on Spock's mind. He knew feeling guilty was completely illogical yet here he was; dying to see Jim to desperately apologise for not intervening before any true damage was caused.

The door to Kirk's room slowly opened and Doctor McCoy stepped out, rubbing his hand across his brow.

"What news?" Spock asked as his hands fell to his sides.

"I don't know what to tell you, Spock," Bones replied, pulling his long sleeves down from where they were gathered by his elbows. "His vital signs are healthy and all physical damage that was done has been properly repaired." The doctor shrugged. "His brain activity is just...alarmingly low."

"Have you tried-"

McCoy held a hand up in front of the Vulcan's face. "Don't you be suggesting any sort of medical procedure to me. I'm the doctor here. I've tried everything I know and nothin' even comes close."

Spock averted his gaze to the floor. It wasn't that he didn't trust Doctor McCoy, quite the contrary. It was just that Kirk had moaned when Spock had briefly attended to him in the alleyway.

"What of his physical state, doctor?"

"The typical list of cuts and bruises. Stiches across the cheeks and eyebrows, split lip and two cracked ribs. Nothing Jim hasn't dealth with before after one of his bar brawls." McCoy rolled his shoulders.

Spock nodded.

"You can see him," Bones said as he turned to re-enter Jim's room, holding the door open for the Vulcan to follow. Spock hesitated but pulled his top down and followed Doctor McCoy into the room, his mind reeling off the possibilities of Jim's inability to return to consciousness. 'Mental trauma' was at the top of Spock's list. The race of the attacker had not been identified so Spock or any of the doctors were unable to say what type of psionic abilities would have been used against Kirk's mind. Whatever it was that was keeping Jim from waking up, Spock would get to the bottom of it.

The room was painted a pale blue colour which reminded Spock of the sickbays aboard the Enterprise and would, hopefully, give Jim a sense of familiarity when he woke up.

 _If_ he woke up.

No, Spock couldn't afford to be pessimistic. ' _Or realistic,'_ he added. 

Jim was a strong-willed individual with a mind unlike anything Spock had ever connected to before. The Vulcan was harshly reminded of Jim's age when he gazed upon the young face lying peacefully in the bed. The bruising across Kirk's cheeks was more visible in this lighting. The beeps from the heart monitors distracted Spock momentarily as he sat down in the chair positioned beside the bed.

"If any of his vital signs change, the machines will pick up on it right away. Okay?"

Spock nodded. “Thank you, doctor.”

With that, the doctor left the room, leaving Spock alone with nothing but the beeps to keep him sane.

He gingerly reached out to touch Jim's hand but recoiled when he noticed the battered knuckles that his Captain now adorned. Of course, Spock had seen Jim with bloody hands before but knowing the circumstances behind the cuts was what hurt Spock most. Knowing that, usually, Kirk could have taken on a man twice his size and most likely emerged victorious without Spock's help is what bothered the Vulcan the most.

Jim had been vulnerable and he had not been by his side to protect him.

X.........................X

The morning sun shone brightly through the curtains of the room, signalling to Spock that it had been well over 12 hours since the attack had occured. Jim's condition had not improved but nor had it deteriorated. Bones had been in and out numerous times to check on the pair but no noticable change had occured throughout the night. Once alone again, Spock began stroking his thumb over Jim's knuckles, his deep stare locked on the young man's calm face.

"T'hy'la, please," Spock whispered.

The heart monitor suddenly began to beep faster and Spock rose from his seat, yelling for Doctor McCoy to help. Bones practically kicked the door down with a hefty shout of "good god, man!" being heard as he leapt to Jim's side, injecting him with a hypo with a quick shove of the wrist. The beeping slowed back down, signalling Jim's heart rate had returned to its previous steady pace.

Bones backed away and sighed loudly, staring blankly at Spock across the bed."What the hell did you do, Spock?!”

"I touched his hand..." Spock pointed to the exact place on Jim's hand where he had made contact. "And called out to him."

Bones frowned."So you called his name?"

The Vulcan averted his gaze from the doctor to his Captain. "No. I called him t'hy'la. It is a word used in my culture with varied meaning; friend, brother...lover.”

“Keep your Vulcan voodoo to yourself, Spock. We don't know what that kind of stuff is doing to him.” He gave Jim another check over before leaving the room, giving a glaring look at Spock.

He lowered himself back into the chair and sat alone with his thoughts. His gaze stayed focussed on Kirk's face, hoping that he'd soon look up and find Jim's bright blue eyes staring back at him. That hope diminished quickly as the hours went on with no change.


	3. Chapter 3

Spock sat alone on the double-bed in his and Jim's shore leave quarters, awaiting an important call. He perched on the end of the bed, hands folded in his lap and stared intensely at the computer screen on the desk. It was the middle of the night and Doctor McCoy had demanded that Spock retire back to his room for a couple of hours at least, to meditate if nothing else. Of course, Spock had reluctantly obliged. It had been a solid 72 hours since the attack and Spock was at a loss of what to do for Jim. No medical procedure that the Starfleet medical team, led by Doctor McCoy, had tried had worked. Jim was still in the coma.

 

His thoughts were interrupted as the call he'd been waiting for came through. He answered it hastily and the face of his older counterpart came onto the screen.

 

“Ambassador,” Spock greeted, bowing slightly.

 

The older counterpart smiled back. “Mr. Spock. Your messaged sounded distressing. What troubles you, young one?”

 

“It is Jim. He...was attacked by a member of an unknown telepathic race. He had been unconscious for 72 hours. I do not know what to do.”

 

As he spoke, Spock watched the warm expression of his counterpart fade into worry and he later wondered whether the old Spock had previously sensed that something was wrong with Kirk.

 

“You must help me. I have to save him.” The young Spock averted his gaze to the floor. “I am seemingly lost without his presence beside me.”

 

The Ambassador nodded. “I understand. It is unpleasant to see ones bond mate in such a condition.”

 

Spock interrupted, “but Jim and I are not bonded. I have once called him _t'hy'la_ but the word only seemingly worsened his condition.”

 

The elder leant forward in his chair. “Worsened?”

 

“Yes. His heart rate increased significantly. Worryingly so, in fact.”

 

An awkward silence settled over their conversation. Spock wasn't sure whether the elder was thinking or whether he'd missed a question that his counterpart was expecting him to answer. 

 

“Do you not see, young one? You must perform a mind-meld on Jim and heal his mental wounds for him. If it were a physical wound, you would not hesitate to bandage it. A mental wound should not be any different for a Vulcan, Spock. You have the abilities to allow a mental connection that would help Jim repair his mental state.”

 

Realisation hit Spock like a tonne of falling bricks. He should have known but the incident with ' _t'hy'la'_ had made him afraid of touching Jim so the thought of getting inside his head was seemingly out of the question.

 

“But how will I know that I will not harm him?” Spock asked, his brown eyes brimming with emotion.

“We are a universal constant,” the elder said and Spock seemingly relaxed a little. “There has been and there always shall be a James Kirk and a Spock in each universe, standing side-by-side through every situation. You must believe me when I say, young one, that you will not harm Jim by melding with him.”

 

Spock bowed to his counterpart and bid him farewell, thanking him for his advice. The screen had just turned black when Spock was out of the door, running towards the hospital. He jumped in and out of the crowds of people bustling around the campus. He did not falter as he ran down the hospital corridor, turning corners with incredible agility. He did, however, bump straight into Doctor McCoy on the way into Jim's room.

 

Bones straightened his shirt. “Dammit, Spock, where's the fire?!”

 

Spock spoke quickly, moving past Bones to enter Jim's room and stand by the bed. Bones followed, standing on the opposite side of Jim. "Doctor, you agree that the cause of Jim's coma is mental trauma brought on by the attack?"

 

"Well, yeah. 'Course."

 

"And that if something or _someone_ were to enter Jim's mind, it would be entirely possible for them to bring him out of the catatonic state?"

 

Bones shrugged. "I suppose so. I don't see why you're aski-oh hold on one minute." The doctor pointed a finger at the Vulcan from across the bed. "You mean to do one of your psychic mind-reading acts on Jim?!"

 

Spock nodded. "A mind-meld, yes, doctor. I see no other valid option available at the present time. We do not know how long Jim can remain in this state without causing permanent damage to his mind. I must help him. I _need_ to save him.”

 

Bones looked at his Captain's young face for a couple of seconds with sad eyes, feeling utterly helpless. _He_ was the one with the vast amounts of medical knowledge and equipment and yet he was unable to aid his best friend. Bones nodded and made his way towards the door, knowing the Vulcan would need peace to be successful.

 

“Just...be careful, Spock.”

 

McCoy left, praying that the two of them be kept safe.

 

Spock sat down on the side of the bed with grace, being extremely careful not to knock any of the wires attached to Jim's chest. He was slightly reassured by the fact that McCoy would be back in the room in a nanosecond if anything irregular displayed on the monitors. However, if this mind-meld was unsuccessful, Spock knew he could potentially lose Jim forever. The Vulcan traced two fingers across Jim's battered hand, sweeping it across his wrist and feeling the pace of the human's pulse beneath them. He watched Jim's chest rise and fall in a steady manner and Spock contemplated just how fragile humans were. His mind began to drift and the guilt of not being there for his bond mate crept into his thoughts but he tried his upmost to stay logical. Without saying a word, he placed his fingers on the key meld-points of Jim's face but being surprised at how cold the skin was beneath his touch. Not a positive sign, he mentally noted. He gave one last look to his Captain's face before closing his eyes and mentally reached out to connect to Jim's mind. Only moments had passed when Spock felt a sharp jolt of energy bolt through his own consciousness, exactly like what he had felt when he had watched Jim die through the glass all those months ago. He took a sharp intake of breath as he felt their minds being pulled into one.


	4. Chapter 4

Spock opened his eyes slowly to find himself kneeling in a black, empty space. He stood up to his full height and surveyed the area. Complete and utter nothingness, like a room lit by a dying lightbulb.

Suddenly, distant shouts could be heard accompanied by the strong odor of gunpowder, or recently ignited explosives, at least. He listened closely to the voices, recognising none of them. He turned when he heard the cries of a young boy come from behind him. In the near distance, he saw a blond-haired boy running away from something. He looked desperate, beaten and broken and Spock realised what this was. These were Jim's most traumatic memories, being played over and over again in his mind in the most vivid details. Spock shivered as the voices faded and were replaced with loud cries of " _no! Stop!"_ followed closely by gasps of pain.He began to run to where the voices were coming from but skidded to a sudden halt when they ceased, leaving him standing alone in the silence.

"...Spock?"

The Vulcan quickly turned on his heels to see the present day James Kirk standing before him, his shoulders hunched in on himself anxiously. He looked incredibly distressed, completely dissimilar to the confident _Enterprise_ Captain that Spock was familiar with.

"Jim." The word sounded like it had been ripped from the Vulcan's throat. Never before had Spock seen his Captain so visibly afraid. "I am here to help you, Jim. Do you know where you are?"

The young man nodded. "I'm in hospital, right? I recognised the smell," he smiled but it soon faded. "Why are you here, Spock? I mean...this is my _mind_ , right?"

"Correct, Captain. You have yet to awaken and Doctor McCoy and I were becoming increasingly worried for your mental health. I contacted my elder counterpart and asked for his advice. You were slipping away and I did not know how to save you.” Spock knew that Jim was still mentally recovering from the events on Tarsus IV. Heavens knows how much this attack will set him back. “I performed a mind-meld and...ended up here."

Jim smiled. "So you and Bones have been fussing over me even when I'm completely out of it? Figures."

Spock took a step forward and outstretched his hand, willing Jim to take it, but the young man seemed to shy away.

"I can't wake up, Spock. I'm not...strong enough." He shivered as he pointed to his temple. "I can hear them in here, the voices in my memories. They won't stop!"

Spock was extremely unsure of how to approach the situation. His human half felt like it was going to implode from emotion. He felt like he should say that he'll protect Jim for as long as he needed, to prevent any harm from coming to his Captain ever again. But the words did not form. It was not logical to say he'd be there when Jim needed him because he hadn't been there this time.

"T'hy'la," Spock whispered as he stepped forward and took Jim's hand in his own.

"That word," Kirk stuttered, blinking through the tears that had formed in his eyes, "you called me that before and I felt..."

The words died in his mouth as a spark fluttered between them; an ancient spark that had seemingly been embedded in them since the beginning.

_A friendship that will define you both._

_Our minds; one and together._

"Friend. Brother. Lover. That is what t'hy'la means," Spock explained. "I shall do my upmost to keep you safe, Jim." He brushed a tear away from Jim's cheek.

His Captain seemed to visably calm for a moment, a weak smile forming across his lips and Spock sensed an alleviation in anxiety within Jim's mind. Then it all came crashing back down. The voices stared again, getting louder and closer, echoing across the realm of Kirk's mind. Spock moved hastily to embrace Jim but the Captain stepped away, his knees buckling as he threw his hands against his temples, yelling for the pain to stop. The Vulcan moved to fall with Jim, to grab him, calm him, keep him safe. He placed his hands on Jim's shoulders and attempted to pull him closer.

“Jim, please. Let me help.”

“I can't! _”_

Suddenly, the black walls of Jim's mind began to crack, threatening to collapse down on them both. The voices became louder and less coherent as the cracks got bigger. Jim yelled in agony as the floor cracked around him, causing Spock to stagger back and become seperated from his Captain.

“Jim, you must listen to me. You are strong but your encounter with the telepath has left your memories broken. In his attack, he left your most traumatic memories at the forefront of your mind.”

Jim looked up at Spock, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don't....I don't know how to fix it.”

Spock offered his hand across the crack that kept him from taking Kirk in his arms. “Come with me, Jim. Let me help.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Jim stood up and reached across, taking Spock's hand. Spock pulled Kirk across the cracks in the ground and into his embrace, Jim burying his head in his Vulcan's chest and feeling less afraid already. They pulled apart and Spock placed his fingers on Jim's temples, closing his eyes. “My t'hy'la,” he said, “ _ashayam_ . Jim. I will protect you. Our minds, one and together.”

As the pair stood together in the darkness, the cracks began to heal themselves, retreating up the walls and disappearing from the floors. The cries from Tarsus IV began to fade and Jim visibly relaxed beneath Spock's touch. The space around them grew lighter and warmer as familiar voices began to speak from around them. The brighter parts of Jim's memories were being brought forwards as the darker ones were being shut away. The laughs from the bridge crew aboard the _Enterprise,_ the fatherly support of ' _I believe in you'_ from Christopher Pike and, when Spock heard his own voice being singled out from the others, he knew Jim was safe.

_“Because you are my friend.”_

 


	5. Chapter 5

Spock awoke to the concerned and loud voice of Doctor McCoy.

“See that? _That_ is a grey hair. The pair of you are sending me to an early grave. And I hope you're happy about it, pair of idiots.”

As the Vulcan sat up slowly, he heard the angry doctor walk out of the room, the door closing harshly behind him. Spock found himself slumped over the side of the bed, head lying on the mattress but still half-sat in the chair. Frightfully uncomfortable. He pushed himself up slightly and looked up to find Jim staring back at him, smiling despite his split lip.

“So, Bones hates us.” 

Spock blinked. “Jim?”

“Hi.”

He sat up straight and scooted the chair closer to the bed. The Captain still looked weak, despite being propped up against a mound of pillows. He lay back on them, his head turned to look at Spock. 

“How are you feeling?” The Vulcan asked, his tone quiet in case Jim was suffering from a headache as a result of their meld.

Jim glanced down for a second and Spock suddenly became aware that their hands were still intertwined. “Much better after what you did. Whatever it was. Bones said something about 'Vulcan voodoo', but that doesn't really narrow it down.”

“I performed a mind-meld. A much deeper one that my older counterpart did when you first met. I healed your mind and brought the brightness back to your mind.”

Jim nodded slowly and turned his head away from Spock. “You saw Tarsus.”

“Yes.”

“I'm sorry. No one was supposed to see that. Especially not you.”

Spock tightened his grip on Jim's hand. He got up from the chair and perched on the end of the bed, feeling less cautious as the wires had been removed from Jim's chest. 

“None of this was your fault, Jim. The attack in the bar left you vulnerable. There was nothing you could d-”

“I'm a mess, Spock. You've seen everything. A combination of shit choices and bad luck. You could've seriously hurt yourself trying to save me. I don't deserve it, Spock. I don't deserve you.” 

Kirk pulled his hand from Spock's grip and stared at the farthest wall, eyes watering. Spock stood up, hands by his sides and gaze locked on Jim.

“James Tiberius Kirk is the bravest and smartest being that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. He has achieved things that most would never even hope to accomplish and overcome obstacles that would have crushed others. He _is_ worthy. Worthy of all the successes and praise and admiration he gains from those around him. He is light and he is warmth.” 

He leant over Jim, kissing him before his Captain could disagree. The spark in their minds ignited and flickered before the energy ran across their connection. Both involuntarily gasped as their minds exploded with emotion.  _Universal constant._

They pulled apart and Jim blinked quickly. Spock moved his hand up to Jim's cheek and wiped away a falling tear.

“For me, there is no choice.” He kissed Jim again, “but I will always choose you.” 


End file.
